I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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