I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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