the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
