I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
