Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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