Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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