VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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