Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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