We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
