God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
