Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
