someone threw a dead crab at me
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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