I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
