She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
