just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
