I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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