Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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