gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
