I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
