My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
