he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
