Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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