Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
