i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
