oh god the rape fog is back!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
