I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
