It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
