You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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