I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
that is very illegal...i love you.
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