i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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