her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
