I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
