It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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