yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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