Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
