"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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