I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
