I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
