mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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