there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
