They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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