I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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