Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
