so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
