Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
