Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
