We won't sleep together?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
