I want to walk on stilts...naked
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
