11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
