I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
