So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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