please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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