The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
