Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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