My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
