I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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